the telephone never rings
November 4th, 2008
I finished my 4-5 hour first of the month phone marathon to friends and family. Until next month, my life outside the classroom will be silent. A conversation echoes in my mind, “I bet you don’t write poetry anymore. I think you’re too busy for that.”
Is it the end of my season as poet? The last poem was over two months ago. I can blame the academic literature for my classes as much as my solitude. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me. Undress a poet and you find a philosopher and just as there are times for rowdiness and libations there are also times for reflection and work.
I sometimes think about my ex and how much I loved him. Yesterday was the first time in a year that I dreamt him. Every once in a while, I hear from his daughter and I smile remembering how much I loved that girl and still do. I don’t answer any correspondence, though. It’s enough to know that I influenced someone positively, learned about myself and felt love.
My time in Korea has taught me that much like learning, emotions come in packets. It’s the simple quiet days where you can shed a tear, comprehend and hug yourself. It has taught me that though I make plans, the Lord leads our feet where they need to be, so change of plans is not bad at all. I’ve come to define myself not by others, not by the adversities I’ve faced, not by fear, but only through myself. My strength is only as good as my soul that manifests in the words I speak and write.
So is this the end of my poetic era? I’ll probably be senile before I’d admit to that!! Come next August it will be the end of the journey I begun 2 years ago. Today are silent preparations.

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