claudiapena.com

Suzanna flipped her perfectly shiny hair while she chewed on the hot pink bubble gum. Her blue jean Gap purse full of trinkets jingled as she ran after me down the hall, “Missss!” She was one of fourth grade’s characters, trend setter and mini skirt dress-code-pusher. She batted her big brown eyes full of mascara, took a deep breath, sighed and dropped her shoulders. Big news. “Yes, mam’.”

A small hesitation but her outspoken nature took over, “Am…, (smack) I want to know if there’s life after death.” I chuckled, “I don’t know but what if throw you out that window and you come back and let me know?” It’s hard to protest while laughing and she gave me the familiar teenage, “M-issss!”

“Don’t know girl, you’re gonna have to ask your mom that question,” still smiling while she hurried to class. What could I have answered? “Well, the Bible says yes but not if you’re not Christian. Other religions follow suit. Many think that’s it; no mas, no menos. Science believes the brain sees what it wants to see when it’s under duress. (BUT, scientists also say love is the same as going totally nuts, so take it with a lima bean of skepticism.) I think the question is a dead end (joke, get it?!). A better question would be is my death worthy of my life?” …Yeah

What human being hasn’t asked themselves that question and how long did it take them to discover their answer? How many people think the same way I do about this subject and how did they come upon their answer?
Does asking a teacher, preacher, monk, or spiritual adviser make any difference or is it something you really need to get on your own?
What would people answer this kid and why would a question like that leave me so dumbfounded for words and so deep in thought?
Is this a bad question because I can’t “teach” it and there’s no empirical evidence therefore no coherent argument but just emotion? Since when did emotion become bad?
Is it dreaming when pursuing something without evidence? Aren’t great actions made of dreams?
How long did it take me to formulate that two sentence answer?
How many questions did I have to ask before I said bad question, you’re loosing your time as of this point forward, return to your question and make a better one?

The spicy radish brings me back to reality, listen. How quiet and sweet does the taste of freedom feel? How small can happiness be given? It’s not the answers but the questions. It’s not a book but the person who makes meaning. Meaning fine tuned makes technique. The whole is art.