With love…
September 29th, 2007
to the Houston House Heads and music lovers:13-track-13.mp3.I wish I could tell you their website but I can gather CM Entertainment, “Korean Best Music”, bar code 8-806301711049. Also, please go by the Grow Your Writing Business
- website to enjoy a weekend conversation. Enjoy!
Around the dusty blackboard…What is love?
1. ‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ Billy - age 4, wow
2. ‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ Karl - age 5, lol! yes, smells matter
3. ‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ Tommy - age 6
4. ‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ Mary Ann - age 4
Best metaphors and similes in high school…
1. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. (amen, brother)
2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (who has this kid been talking to?!)
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. (sorry to my Canadian buddies)
4. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (LOL!!)
From my traveling journals…
1. To say ignorance is a bliss, is to chew into an unknown protein source that’s not quiet beef or chicken but the sauce and the rice taste so darn good, you pray for quiet perpetual ignorance.
2. An oxymoron is the comforting uncomfortable feeling of cramps and gas she got after drinking real cow milk after weeks without it…pain never tasted so good!
3. Friendship is when your friend finds all the salsa clubs abroad and watches you be happy because she doesn’t dance a lick.
4. Happiness is looking at the 4×7 “water closet”/apartment and knowing she don’t need a thing but a good stable companion and her friends are only a phone call away.
5. She felt icky, like when the weird wrinkling, balding, and creepy foreigner, who couldn’t speak a lick of Korean even after 4 years in the country, wouldn’t stop looking at her breast even with two shirts on.
dried squid french fries
Inverted Image
September 25th, 2007
Night of the jelly fish
and starry plankton
The 40 pound ghost cat fish wiggles its whiskers
and the octopus sings for me:
kiss me, kiss me, kiss me now, oh pretty baby–
I’m a guest of the wind and
wildly tamed surf that pats the brown sand down:
Welcoming party for Nari
I watch the sea worms glow
the thicker ones made into chewy noodles
with black bean ice cream curd
and fried chewy anchovies potato chips
main course is maybe chicken
with alot of rice and red paste…
I smile a lot these days
I serenade the moon with midnight moos
to match the sirens of the incoming ships
moo to the ice cream and yogurt
and the cow and the cheese…
moooooooo…
but I miss cranberry sauce the most!
That’s okay,
The moon watches over me
my inverted image on the Yellow Sea
as it does you on the Gulf of Mexico.
It’s a beautiful holiday along the board walk,
Happy Thanksgiving/Chesok!
Ode to the Crapper…
September 20th, 2007
The following article was submitted to the wikiHow.com as how to use a squatting toilet. Hey, laughter is a good thing…my father would be so proud of me!
Ladies, you’re in the right restroom and that’s not the wall you’re looking at, it’s the floor. You look all around but every single one is like this. You really have a lot of “alma matter” to release, but you don’t want to look like you’ll need a special pass to go to the nurse’s office for a new change of clothes once you’re done. So how do you use a squatting toilet without any accidents?
You’ll Need:
* toilet paper
* hand sanitizer
* wipes
* meditation breath
Steps:
1. Make sure you have all your materials before walking into the stall. Go in, face the hood, and close the door.
2. Fold your knees slightly inward and forward. If you have a skirt, this is easy. If you have pantyhose, take one side off and hold it. If you have pants, roll up the bottom, and get close to the hood. Pants are best outside the hood but always make sure your body is inside the hood, midpoint.
3. The hood is there to protect you. It will catch any reverb action. Aim at a 45 degree angle to test the hood. Adjust angle as necessary. Remember not all hoods are made the same.
4. No matter how much protection a hood can provide please don’t approach it with projectile intentions. Take a deep breath and slowly, methodically release.
5. Clean, most of the flushing apparatus are on the floor so step flush, carefully adjust your clothes outside the stall and wash your hands.
But Claudia, sitting up is much easier for urination…what about #2?
Yes, the dreaded 2. If you are an outdoors type, you will already have a good sense when it’s good to strip down from the waist down, if not, do it anyways.
1. Make sure that you have all your materials. If you’re feeling gooey and sticky, pour some water inside the hole first. If you’re feeling projectile action, raise up your heels.
2. Get your balance on midpoint. Use three fingers to hold yourself against the door or balance on the side panels.
3. Do a test run if possible and adjust your body as needed.
4. Relax and enjoy the moment. If the smells are perturbing, hurry up.
Tips:
1. Many places don’t provide paper. Always carry your own or take lots of water.
2. Look around first. If the locals aren’t on point all the time, than you shouldn’t feel bad.
3. Do not attempt to answer your cell phone and mess up a perfect position.
4. Check your pockets before squatting. You really don’t want to fish your passport from the hole.
5. Many places don’t differentiate between girls and boys restrooms. Tell your traveling buddy to look out for you or ask one of the local old ladies to wait or help you.
6. Always look out for your safety.
7. Do NOT touch the floor with your hands.
8. Keep it all in perspective. It’s an adventure!
Sources:
Doug Lansky, editor of There is no Toilet Paper on the Road Less Traveled
Article by Frank Bures at World Hum.com
Wikipedia has great pros and cons with the squatter.
Because God has a sense of humor…
September 16th, 2007
Woke up to Tom Waits way down in the holeAnd an email from your mother of chocolate mousse surface
or some trite parfait
Scrolled down to the bottom to see your name:
What was she thinking?
I'll chalk it up to a senior moment,
Her house full of flora
And the big turkey that I moved last fall for Thanksgiving
You know I've always loved you
Always have, always will,
Just now in a charming silent sewer fumed contorted
so damn happy to be here, so far away in the middle of nowhere
with the laughable moments that
I think of you when you could careless for me, kinda way...
...Had some time to kill.
God, has a great sense of humor.
Thank God I'm here.
Picture above: the white threads of paper are usually scrolled with wishes and the mounds of rocks placed by incoming villagers and taken by outgoing to protect against wild animals...even back in the day the gods were laughing at us!
add to del.icio.usIgnorance
September 12th, 2007
I couldn’t match the Hangul or crawl in Urdu
but I could witness
Liver spots and cheeks bright red
brown beaten alligator shoes in all black with gold chain
He never looked at me in the eyes…
back home he would be a dirty old man pimpified
and drunk,
flashy bills to compensate the slow death
of his unsatisfied hair committing seppuku
Two brown faces
Spit shoots like fireballs
across the subway seat
Finger cursing, two machetes in his bag
black handled wooden coat
Go to hell!– I want to shout
But I’m NOT leaving
It could have been some
Mojado against an armed rancher,
It could have been a 1970s silent white kid
on a Mississippi bus full of black folks
in a come to Jesus meeting ‘cuz the sheriff’s wait’n,
The hatred stays the same
–Spic, Go home!
Nigger, you pollute the race!–
God, please look up and MOVE!
You don’t have to take this
The subway has plenty of seats
You came here out of need to fulfill a need
You came here to a better society
The plead escaped me in one Spanish word
and their eyes met mine:
Bloodshot and sniffling
no tears, no anger
they couldn’t be more than 23
telling me without words
in the silence of the passengers
that they already moved
My face reddens
I…don’t know if to feel guilty
I don’t know if to speak…
Am I wrong to ask for justice
because I’ve always had it?
Am I just looking at this from
western mentality?
Sometimes I think
that racism is a genealogical,
irremovable,
handicap in the human race
The hillz of the Apsens…
September 9th, 2007
The drums are high above showering the earth steep below
I have no clue why I am so blessed
but you couldn’t wipe the smile from my face if you tried
The hills speak in trickle whispers of a gentle waterfall
The temple guards the in between
I smell the pineapple, cherry and fruit sage
The bay leaf is fresh and the peppermint grows wild all over
I miss my home
when I miss a birthday and I know my shoulder is needed
Somehow, drinking fresh green tea
Eating from the garden below in a simple wooden frame
where the wind comes to converse,
I don’t feel lonely…
The butterflies entertain me
