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I miss you more when winter carries scents of orchids and amapolas
off mountains and hills
I miss your concord cherry heart like I miss the happy wag of my dog’s tail
How sad that I think of you more than you think of me…
I feel desolate, abandoned and damn pist off for feeling anything for you
But the day grows short and so does my memory.

You bounced off Aztec pyramids leaving me behind
When I finally acquiesced you laughed
I wrote it all down, now I read to quench the hunger of truth
A feeling that slowly returns as a nauseatic sensation of road kill
bathed in a bottle of my perfume.

Funny, life has a way of making you clean up messes of memory, heart and place. I have five boxes of pictures, journals and documents that I have already burnt. Many of it were copies, documents or letters of people I haven’t spoken to in years. Others were my first experiments with words and my personality. Only two out of those 7 boxes survived: experiments.

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Giver of the mightiest love
Capable of profound fury
Fragile of heart
Owner of an iron will
Woman, I admire thee.

Woman, I adore thee,
You are strong and enduring
Do not perpetuate
The myth of helpless frailty
You tasted freedom, not sin
You raise us
Woman — I PRAISE YOU.

Y es por ti Mujer
Reconocemos quel mas macho de los machos
Se doblegara por ti
Por una tierna mirada
Por el porte al caminar
Una sonrinsa insinuante
Un cuerpo curvoso.

Y aunque no lo diga,
Te admiro!
Tu grandiosa inteligencia
Con cual sin mucho esfuerzo
Organizas a cual mas, bien sea amigo,
Familia, hijo, del mandamenos al manda mas.

Me uno a tu homenaje
Que si estoy con el mundo
Es por ti MUJER!
Me uno a tu omenaje, MUJER!

First 2 stanzas are by Manuel Nava Leal whose play is going on at TBH this weekend, “Even the Sun Cried.” Mr. Leal also has his second book of poetry and he will be selling it then. Next 2 stanzas are by my uncle Eduardo Pena. I wove the two together (changing occasional words or punctuation) because they are a great compliment to each other. This was written around 2002 and printed with the authors permission.

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Each key has a sound, a word, a hue
A melancholic hello
A mellow seductive…
oh, how you doing? where you been?
And a goodbye that screams the blues

Hit an F sharp then drop me back again
Call me one day, the next I’m all alone
It’s the quiet rationale of the moment
when reality is an overpowering sonnet,
Is it an addiction to not want to be alone?

God, I wish he’d want to hold my hand
Better yet,
just have him exit the same door that let him in
Take the smell of his cologne
That’s never around and around
An already hung rope
that just doesn’t want to be found

In the F minor range,
Having a cigarettes and wine
Sounds to ease the mind
a shot of expresso, picks it back up
Brings it back to an even C
melodic and up tempo,
in the midrange of the keys

Note to self,
(don’t ever forget)
Engrave it in vital organs
and white ivory mounds
how many things
how many people
how many stories in this world
Can be so very much fake…
Are so very much fake

For JT

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Wondering if I am disjointing my hinges
Opening my thorax,
Unplugging the red and blue wires
To reunite with the self I want to know

….Or taking flight in the hard shell of my mind

I want to disembody my soul
Pack it tight and throw it up high
Say, “Hey, big guy in the sky!
CATCH!!”

There is no tether to my jump
It’s just you and me, me and the door,
You and the key, waiting for the cards to deal

I smile; You made me this way,
I was born backwards,
Moving sideways
Day dreaming with closed eyes
Nurse slapped me twice
Even then, I hated crying

You knew what I would say,
“Leave or stay but don’t hesitate,
Give me what I need,
Ignore what I want and not meant to be.”

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