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Soy tu victima agradable
Libre esclava, sonriendo
Te quiero pero te odio
Te dejo pero te lloro

Ilusionada con un pasado
Que no quisiera olvidar
Pero tu boca me vuelve loca
Añades a la colecion

I am your willing victim
I rustle the sheets
Rock a bye baby tight
Hug a yearning
in my sleep tonight

I am your ignorant scholar
I turn a blind eye
To all that I can’t stand
I don’t know if I love to hate you
Or hate to love you
(They sure feel the same sometimes)
So, now I’m just blind
disoriented–
mental and confused

This one was from September/November, cleaning out the journals. Texas foxglove; hard to believe this beautiful plant was used to make a deadly tea.

Resolve has left me with no inspiration
unemotional disconnection
ain’t worth the peaceful pie of life your living
and it’s giving me the blues
Oh yes it’s giving me the blues

I take two drags
one for the road
and two for my nerves

I’m poet packing soul
permanently unsynched
heart on my skin and a pen
that’ll bleed from birth ’till death

I should be humming his name
Yes, I should be hugging him
And calling his name
Looking out for number one
Leaves no room for me
Run it over just the same
that’s resolve’s
Oh so lonely fame
Take my love
and fuse it back in flames

I take two drags
one for the road
and two for my nerves

I’m poet packing soul
permanently unsynched
heart on my skin and a pen
that’ll bleed from birth ’till death

Go on and shout it out,
“Your love is not for me,
There are better women
than you for me,
oh no, you’re insane
It’s not the same. ”
Oh God, that’s giving me the blues

It’s all about you
and that’s what its all about
You can give another years
And for me just a few weeks
Oh yes it’s giving me the blues
Disconnected and outside the line
Yes, it’s giving me the blues

“Friday night has left me fumbling with the blues, and it’s hard to win when you always loose…” –Tom Waits
This kinda poem goes with “Fumblin’ with the Blues,” #7. Hey artists learn from tracing Sunday morning cartoons…I just play until my cd player breaks.

There are days when the morning seems to drag and the clouds weep and I can’t find my prayer to let God heal my longing. There are mornings when I praise the grace of God I am no longer inside the torrent of your wind at peace with the solitude. There are days when I wonder why you didn’t give me the chance to amend like my parents and grandparents fought for years for each other. There are days and things I’ve thrown way to forget you and didn’t think twice about it. There are days when the difficulty is remembering amidst the laughter of joy and the contentment of humanity. There are days when I think this was for a reason and I will come out better in the end. There are days when the food seems to walk away from my fury and I rue the day I ever met you. There are days when I feel the strongest at my weakest, thanking God for all his strength. There are no more days that ask if you truly loved me why didn’t you stay…it’s a painful answer. There are just…days.

Todo lo que quieres, cuando tu quieres

No me digas, lo que tu quieras
Cuando yo te busco tu me esquivas por los lados

No me digas, que tú me quieres,
Vete de mi lado yo de ti ya nada quiero

No me llames riendo y con excusa
Borro las memorias, difícil el pasado

No repitas lo que tu veas
Eres marioneta de tul tela, transparente

Inculpable, miserable
Todo lo que quieres

Me atas en nudos, inseguridad tan profunda (Chorus)
Me matas en dudas, perjuicios y burlas
Yo soy mi propia fuerza, Basta ya….!

No me digas, que tú me quieres
Porque la diferencia, cuando ayer no te importaba

No me busques en tiempos de sequía
secos mis anhelos, otro clavo me lo quita

No empieces porque yo termino
Idiota la noción que mañana estoy contigo

(Sorry, a little old school Metalica inspired song in Spanish)

For the Texans: (If you are in the US, be on the look out for this bogus bill coming to a school district near you and fight very hard against it.) SB 1643, will essentially tie student’s test scores to my evaluation, my paycheck, as well as my job.

During my first year of teaching, I got so sick and tired of my stinky kid in the classroom being both stinky and without homework that I decided to pay a “surprise” (they never had their phone on) visit to her house. It was marvelous seeing her dad pop open his third can of beer watching the latest boxing match on a flat screen huge tv. That was also the year, I had the fourth grader that took the principal’s car for a ride and start a neighborhood “party” in which more than 5 police cars arrived after school. Because of my pretty face and a promise I made to God, they were miraculously infused with knowledge the day of the test and passed. Wake up!! I was in my classroom from 5:30am until the janitors kicked me out from Monday to Saturday. Even with that, my students, who came from an all Spanish classroom the year before, were hard press to pass the writing or reading portion of the test.

Teaching is a rewarding job because of all the hurdles teachers jump demonstrating perseverance and hard work to their students. SB 1643 will restrict teachers to a workbook approach hitting solely on TAKs and will essentially take the curiosity and fun from learning.

This bill will also foster a very hostile and uncomfortable climate between administration and staff. Think about it, the principal may not be the bad guy but if your numbers are bad, that is going on your permanent record. I can foresee alot of the teachers just walking out and saying, “Well, you are going to fire me anyways.” Or maybe, like Half Empty says, they might just load one teacher with all those special kids. There is nothing that a public school teacher will be able to do about it.

This bill will promote stress which will make cheating on the test an extremely happy option. (Especially when teachers don’t want to loose all the education, money and hard work they’ve put into that teaching license.) Do we really want to repeat the ugly headlines on the Houston Chronicle? It’s counter intuitive.

This bill unfairly and disproportionately affects minorities. It takes at least four years to make a decent teacher who is happy and knows the material. Well, the place where most young teachers start is the inner city, which has many of the above mentioned problems in minority homes. So as the child goes further into their academic career, they fall lower each time so that each successive teacher will have to get that good teaching gene infused. Think of both the teacher’s and student’s moral. Bad.

So please either paste my post or the following line, to the Texas Senate:

Ms. Shapiro, SB 1643 is not a bill that would benefit anyone and I will ask that you retract it. I am a (Texan/citizen/supporter of education) and I will make sure to tell all my friends about it so that they can retract their support as well.

Estoy loca, enamorada
Juntos estaremos
Hasta el infinito

Yo, Yo sin ti no vivo
Tu me haces falta
Eres mi amorcito

Co…Como enumerar
Como recontar,
Decirle a todo el mundo
Lo que significas,

1, 2, 3, 4! (chorus)
Como dejarte ver por dentro
Todo este amor de que yo siento
Para ti, todito para ti

Cuento con ti en frentes fríos
Somos distintos individuos,
Así es, mi calorcito

Tú me dejas y yo te dejo
Tú me besas y yo te beso
Yo te llamo y tú contestas
Tú me invitas, y yo te acepto

Es un baile de una pareja
Una chanza a la ruleta
A empezar, contigo continuar

Uhhh…Una y otra vez 2
Tú aquí conmigo (chorus)

No..No todo es de gala o de papel
Uhh…Es como ruleta o ajedrez
Por buenas o malas
Por ti yo, persistiré!