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Instructions on Getting Over Heart Break

The ugly truth of the matter is that you don’t. You just bite the time who will in turn erase the memories or the significance of that picture on your wall, the dreams you’ve installed or the story of that scar. So then the objective becomes: How can I help time heal my heart break? Which brings me to the first point:

Ask, but ask the right questions. Why, on its own is useless unless framed by an A and B. For example, why if you have done this and reacted like that, why change now? Even when framed by A and B, it might still be useless because human beings are creatures of great instability. The best questions come with how, what and I. How can I…?

Answer all questions. Remember, answers are not always spoken or given. If you are reading this, chances are the deal went completely sour like a bad Mexican mafia movie. Some things may never make sense, but you will reveal more information about yourself.

Cry. I have found that the length, volume, and aesthetic value of the cry vary directly to the emotional risk over time spent in the relationship. Wear comfortable clothes for the occasion; I find a hot bath works best. Have plenty of tissues or for longer periods an old t-shirt. Have ready available eye coolers such as cucumber slices or cold packs. Gather yourself in sitting position, hold your handkerchief between your nose or in your hand and sob. Pathetic, loud, and ugly crying is reserved for the comfort of solitude.

Talk about it to your friends, family members, and anyone else who is willing to listen. (Bribes, such as ice cream or chocolate, work.) Caution: what-if scenarios are more useless than useful. While they are a way of challenging your divination powers, it is the perspective that may need adjustment. Also, remember that there is a faith aspect that perseveres and persists for the long run.

Do not employ the use of ambrosial beverages for they tend to make anyone’s emotions even more sensitive. It can make the difference between crying 10 minutes or 10 hours. Whatever the intention may be, it will be poorly conveyed through the phone or physically under such circumstances. Protect yourself from your self by conducting a purge process immediately after the thought. The process should be followed as detailed with room for personal variation at the end. 1) Delete all messages, numbers and email addresses from your tools, notes or phone bills. 2) Block whenever and whatever possible. If necessary, hide the artifacts, but don’t burn or delete. 3) Remind yourself about the negative. You may use your creativity here.

DO NOT contact their mom, family or friends. They are probably going to think it’s a pathetic excuse on your behalf and besides, it’s your problem so you should just deal with it. If such premise is ignored, do not expect any sympathy and accept any superficial agreement. Your words can and will be used against you. Unfortunately, it won’t even be your words but the interpretation of your words from hearsay.

Trust. Trust in a greater being will lead you down the right path, that someone is looking out for your best interest, and that everything will be okay.

Last, employ yourself with the things that make you happy. An atheist friend made the point that neither children or partners should make you happy or complete. Happiness is to be derived from your sole existence, so live it. (Thank you for being my reader.)

So ask, answer, cry, talk, trust and work. You will know you have succeeded this trial if the old artifacts can return to your line of vision without recalling emotion even if they do evoke memory. When reports of your ex-significant other on a date cause neither cursing or crying or cringing because a very dull tip knife dipped in vinegar picante lime tore your heart open like paint to turpentine. And last, you are able to give of yourself, time and love, as freely as you once did. The recovery time varies from situation to individual, but I found ¼ of relationship time for grieving is a good rule to follow but it should not exceed 6 months.

Happy recovery, sweetheart. Have a good day.

Julio Cortazar was one of Pablo Neruda’s favorite writers. The Instruction Manual, first published in 1962 in Buenos Aires, was written from the Hotel Belgium. I end it with a sentence from his introduction before he describes, “How it hurts to refuse a spoon, to say no to a door, to deny everything that habit has licked to a suitable smoothness.”

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