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I know your book started way before this chapter, when you told me how your dad denied you in front of his legal family when all you needed was money for books; When you were dragged by your hand through the hot Barraquillan market with your grandmother who died when I was two and you mourned her deeply.  When you decided dragging pails of water up a hill was not the way you wanted to live and left the city, the country, the continent, because somewhere deep inside you knew there was better, a better way of doing things, a better life for you and me, a better education, just BETTER and no one was going to dissuade you….

My book starts here,
How old were you then? 20? 21?
You never took NO for a final answer and your energy was endless
Talk about giving a little girl some lessons:
You painted my little nails fire engine red and gave me two pony tails with sparkly balls
You helped me get into my newly starched and bleached sexy overalls
with a strict warning of not to get the outfit dirty
You dragged all three feet of me by my hand
Through mazes of thousands of people
Sometimes against the current finding the pockets of air to fit into
Sometimes with the current, clutching your purse and my hand with authority
Only, to get to stone labyrinths of buildings and beurocratical lines
“I need to be where?”
I’d hear you ask in exasperation with beaded sweat
Then you take out a fresh coconut piece to lure me to the next location
Where I finally ate it, punched a whole in the water bag and fell asleep

Second chapter, he was millimeters from my lips when you turned the corner,
I was 15,
he was a 23 year old Costa Rican lean soccer player with his own car
And you Freaked!,
“Ma, I swear nothing happened,” in pure frustration,
You gave me a lecture about babies, cost of pregnancy and life
All the while thinking, “Mother, you just intercepted the first kiss, CH-ILL!”
The next day you took out a condom, unwrapped it and showed it to me
to my upmost disgust at the gooyness,
thinking: can’t modern science make it look prettier?
The third day I was grounded from every church activity until further notice
The fourth day you signed me up for every low cost activity you could fathom
By the time I was 17, I had been a camp councelor, a girl scout, a babysitter,
a dancer, a soccer, softball and volleyball player,
and participated in every history and science fair avialable
Plus, you found me a job at a law office to take up any time I had left
I think heard your sigh of relief when I told you I like reading contracts

Third chapter, phone calls complicate the issue, so your life is quiet
All your children have left the home and the bill collector finally stopped calling
Along with your lawyer, your exhusband and any other post divorce boyfriend
So you cut off your phone and leave the country,
once more to the land you left decades ago
Thought it was suppose to be better once you left, what happened?
I know your asking yourself the same thing, when 1 week later,
The tattoo that indicates the glory of your bossom is wrapped tight
The bulb of your back is perfect along with that size 34 waist,
And the thunder thighs that made my father’s jaw drop at 19 are back.

Time for a new begining,
that woman that made all those errors,
got erased,
“Don’t call me mother, at least not in public.
I don’t want anyone to know my real age or the name I use to be.”
So, I took back the boxes of pictures from your past of us
I try my best to stay neutral,
wondering if it’s a blessing that you didn’t burn them
or a loss of my presence beside you, bury me alive,
I am really trying to stay neutral.

But, what I’d really like to know, is, woman, where are you, NOW?
At this moment and this second, how does your heart beat?
What does your soul need?  How many thoughts run through your mind?
I know you’re alive, I know you’re walking, but are you well?
I am guessing you still like your coffee half and half in the morning,  but what song do you sing?
I know your favorite color is red and you like the tight jeans because, well, you know,
Please don’t tell me you found a combination of the two!
I know you feel cheated out of time, parents, and opportunities,
but, what are you doing to catch up now?

I’ve been adopted by my friend’s and my boyfriend’s mothers,
My school councelor, and my neighbors, but I was never in their womb,
I never knew them like I knew you,
but I know more of them than I know of you
You’ve been the strongest woman in my life and the most difficult to understand
So, what I’d really like to know is…
Mother, where are you now?